1
00:00:03,102 --> 00:00:05,336
[♪]
2
00:01:14,006 --> 00:01:16,974
Honey, just how long
are you gonna be home for?
3
00:01:19,111 --> 00:01:22,447
Two glorious,
foot-picking days.
4
00:01:23,349 --> 00:01:25,116
Well,
pace yourself, dear.
5
00:01:25,117 --> 00:01:26,717
You know, if you pick
too much today,
6
00:01:26,718 --> 00:01:29,387
You'll have nothing left
to pick tomorrow.
7
00:01:29,388 --> 00:01:30,988
And you know
how we all look forward
8
00:01:30,989 --> 00:01:34,692
To your annual ear,
nose and tooth medley.
9
00:01:34,693 --> 00:01:37,795
You know, it's a shame
you don't have another arm.
10
00:01:37,796 --> 00:01:41,666
Then you could just sorta
get 'em all goin' at once.
11
00:01:41,667 --> 00:01:43,368
You know, peg,
if you'd wash my socks,
12
00:01:43,369 --> 00:01:45,870
They might not adhere
to my feet.
13
00:01:50,676 --> 00:01:52,176
Great, dad.
14
00:01:54,813 --> 00:01:56,781
[quietly]
thanks for the great time.
15
00:01:58,317 --> 00:01:59,484
Oh,
daddy.
16
00:02:00,118 --> 00:02:01,452
You're home.
17
00:02:01,453 --> 00:02:03,054
I, um...
I got up early
18
00:02:03,055 --> 00:02:05,590
So I could get you
the Sunday paper.
19
00:02:05,591 --> 00:02:06,857
Where is it?
20
00:02:07,926 --> 00:02:09,327
Where's what?
21
00:02:10,396 --> 00:02:11,696
Gee, kel.
22
00:02:11,697 --> 00:02:13,098
You're wearin'
the same dress
23
00:02:13,099 --> 00:02:15,800
You wore out for
your date last night.
24
00:02:15,801 --> 00:02:19,571
How does it keep its shape in
the glove compartment of a car?
25
00:02:24,610 --> 00:02:27,912
Oh, go kiss
your stridex pad.
26
00:02:27,913 --> 00:02:29,380
Now,
wait a minute.
27
00:02:29,381 --> 00:02:31,749
Is everybody
gonna be home today?
28
00:02:31,750 --> 00:02:32,784
Not me.
29
00:02:32,785 --> 00:02:34,552
I've gotta get some money
for tickets
30
00:02:34,553 --> 00:02:36,921
To the oozing meat concert
tomorrow.
31
00:02:36,922 --> 00:02:38,322
So I've gotta
roll up my sleeves
32
00:02:38,323 --> 00:02:41,059
And work really hard
to get this money.
33
00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:43,427
[weeping]
oh, daddy, can I have
the money, please?!
34
00:02:43,428 --> 00:02:45,930
All the kids are going,
and it's only $175!
35
00:02:48,267 --> 00:02:51,836
[weeping]
then I'm afraid that
you can't go, pumpkin!
36
00:02:54,106 --> 00:02:55,907
Mommy, can I have the money?
37
00:02:55,908 --> 00:02:57,341
All the kids
are going.
38
00:02:57,342 --> 00:03:00,578
Crying only works
on men, dear.
39
00:03:00,579 --> 00:03:04,048
Well, there aren't
any more in the room.
40
00:03:04,049 --> 00:03:06,083
Oh, I gotta get that money,
but I don't know how.
41
00:03:06,084 --> 00:03:07,351
Ugh,
my head hurts.
42
00:03:07,352 --> 00:03:09,320
I have to rest.
43
00:03:09,321 --> 00:03:10,354
[sighs]
44
00:03:12,925 --> 00:03:14,259
Come on, kel.
45
00:03:14,260 --> 00:03:17,695
Just do like I do:
Use your wits.
46
00:03:17,696 --> 00:03:19,531
I do.
47
00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:22,100
I said "wits."
48
00:03:27,339 --> 00:03:29,807
With a w.
49
00:03:30,742 --> 00:03:33,144
Mommy, he's spelling
at me again.
50
00:03:34,146 --> 00:03:37,082
Stop taxing
your sister, bud.
51
00:03:37,083 --> 00:03:39,951
I don't know what you're
so happy about, warthog.
52
00:03:39,952 --> 00:03:41,519
You need money
for tickets too.
53
00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:44,589
Au contraire,
boy-go-round.
54
00:03:44,590 --> 00:03:45,756
[doorbell rings]
55
00:03:46,959 --> 00:03:48,326
I have my ticket.
56
00:03:48,327 --> 00:03:49,394
How?
57
00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:51,796
Hello,
mr. Bundy.
58
00:03:51,797 --> 00:03:54,198
We're ready
to go camping.
59
00:03:54,199 --> 00:03:55,800
Well,
have a good time.
60
00:03:59,471 --> 00:04:01,038
[doorbell rings]
61
00:04:02,941 --> 00:04:04,276
What now?
62
00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:05,910
You're taking us
camping, bundy.
63
00:04:05,911 --> 00:04:06,911
We own you.
64
00:04:06,912 --> 00:04:08,112
We bought you
in an auction.
65
00:04:08,113 --> 00:04:09,047
See?
66
00:04:11,984 --> 00:04:16,387
"go a-campin' and a-trappin'
with al dan'l bundy"?
67
00:04:16,388 --> 00:04:18,089
Bud, did you sell your dad?
68
00:04:20,459 --> 00:04:23,762
Well, you were the only thing
in this house we could spare.
69
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,696
Honey, this will be great
for the kids.
70
00:04:25,697 --> 00:04:27,265
A-campin' and a-trappin',
71
00:04:27,266 --> 00:04:28,799
A-pickin' and a-flickin'.
72
00:04:30,369 --> 00:04:33,371
You know, you can have
a toe jamboree.
73
00:04:35,207 --> 00:04:36,207
Hey, al.
74
00:04:36,208 --> 00:04:38,743
Well, hi, there,
neighborhood tykes.
75
00:04:38,744 --> 00:04:43,448
Hey, it's the guy who gives us
potatoes on Halloween.
76
00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:45,883
Steve,
look what bud did.
77
00:04:45,884 --> 00:04:49,154
"wilderness man and trapper.
Learn how to survive."
78
00:04:49,155 --> 00:04:51,522
Bundy's tryin' to weasel
out of the deal.
79
00:04:51,523 --> 00:04:53,958
How can you disappoint
these kids, al?
80
00:04:53,959 --> 00:04:56,194
Look at their innocent
little faces.
81
00:05:00,666 --> 00:05:02,200
Tell you what.
82
00:05:02,201 --> 00:05:03,701
I'll take ya,
little fellas.
83
00:05:03,702 --> 00:05:05,136
All:
Yeah!
84
00:05:05,137 --> 00:05:08,439
But you're not the great-great-
grandson of dan'l bundy.
85
00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:09,640
That's true.
86
00:05:09,641 --> 00:05:12,443
My ancestors
could read and write.
87
00:05:13,779 --> 00:05:15,279
Aw, come on, al.
88
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:19,083
If you trap too many b'ars
to carry home, I'll help ya.
89
00:05:19,084 --> 00:05:22,654
I would rather slam
my nose in a car door.
90
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:25,823
I would rather have
a proctologist named dr. Hook.
91
00:05:27,159 --> 00:05:29,827
I would rather watch
roseanne barr do a striptease
92
00:05:29,828 --> 00:05:33,064
Than take these little
booger-machines camping.
93
00:05:34,166 --> 00:05:35,967
Well, good, honey.
Then we can spend
94
00:05:35,968 --> 00:05:38,803
The whole day
together snuggling.
95
00:05:40,806 --> 00:05:41,873
Up, campers!
96
00:05:41,874 --> 00:05:44,275
Let's go get us
some gear,
97
00:05:44,276 --> 00:05:45,276
Chip in for gas,
98
00:05:45,277 --> 00:05:46,877
And get me
the hell outta here.
99
00:05:46,878 --> 00:05:48,680
[campers cheer]
100
00:05:50,182 --> 00:05:51,449
Have a good time,
dad.
101
00:05:51,450 --> 00:05:53,818
Uh, not so fast,
dan'l jr.
102
00:05:53,819 --> 00:05:55,953
See, if I'm a-goin',
you're a-goin'.
103
00:05:55,954 --> 00:05:57,622
The only difference is...
104
00:05:57,623 --> 00:05:59,624
I'm a-comin' back.
105
00:06:05,564 --> 00:06:09,267
Ah, the great outdoors.
106
00:06:09,268 --> 00:06:11,035
This is camping.
107
00:06:11,036 --> 00:06:12,603
Isn't this great?
108
00:06:12,604 --> 00:06:14,038
Just smell that air.
109
00:06:26,985 --> 00:06:30,054
I was markin'
our territory.
110
00:06:33,892 --> 00:06:36,060
I'm glad you're
in a jovial mood.
111
00:06:36,061 --> 00:06:37,328
You fall asleep
at the wheel,
112
00:06:37,329 --> 00:06:39,030
You roll the van,
you lose our supplies,
113
00:06:39,031 --> 00:06:41,532
And, thanks to you,
we're gonna die.
114
00:06:41,533 --> 00:06:43,401
I want my mommy.
115
00:06:43,402 --> 00:06:46,303
Yeah, so does
your dad's brother.
116
00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:55,747
Al, that is not the way
to keep a child's spirits up.
117
00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:57,314
You have
to keep children busy.
118
00:06:57,315 --> 00:06:59,817
Involve them
with something.
119
00:06:59,818 --> 00:07:03,288
Okay, kids...
With me, right here.
120
00:07:06,458 --> 00:07:08,459
Help!
121
00:07:08,460 --> 00:07:10,628
All:
Help!
122
00:07:10,629 --> 00:07:12,797
Help!
123
00:07:12,798 --> 00:07:14,299
[sighs]
124
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:15,633
Isn't this nice?
125
00:07:15,634 --> 00:07:18,436
The whole house
to ourselves.
126
00:07:18,437 --> 00:07:20,405
Wish it could
always be like this.
127
00:07:20,406 --> 00:07:24,275
No noses to wipe,
no tears to dry,
128
00:07:24,276 --> 00:07:26,710
No one to send
to their rooms.
129
00:07:26,711 --> 00:07:30,114
It is so nice
without al.
130
00:07:31,683 --> 00:07:35,152
Mrs. Rhoades,
you look lovely tonight.
131
00:07:35,153 --> 00:07:36,354
Why, thank you, dear.
132
00:07:36,355 --> 00:07:40,692
Can you give me $175
so I can go to a rock concert?
133
00:07:41,860 --> 00:07:45,630
I wouldn't give
my own daughter $175.
134
00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:48,766
Hopefully I'll like her.
135
00:07:50,236 --> 00:07:53,003
Kelly, how many times
have I told you?
136
00:07:53,004 --> 00:07:57,308
Mommy's friends are
to loan mommy money.
137
00:07:57,309 --> 00:07:59,210
My life is over.
138
00:07:59,211 --> 00:08:01,946
I might as well
be her.
139
00:08:01,947 --> 00:08:05,883
Oh, honey, just do
what I used to do.
140
00:08:05,884 --> 00:08:07,285
Push your way
to the limo
141
00:08:07,286 --> 00:08:08,786
And tell
the road manager,
142
00:08:08,787 --> 00:08:11,622
"it's worth letting
me in, ask anybody."
143
00:08:14,025 --> 00:08:15,559
Then if anybody
touches you,
144
00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:17,728
Scream, "jailbait!"
145
00:08:17,729 --> 00:08:20,231
Kids today.
146
00:08:21,933 --> 00:08:24,535
I cannot wait
till the girls get here.
147
00:08:24,536 --> 00:08:26,136
I remember
my mother used to have
148
00:08:26,137 --> 00:08:28,339
Her friends over
to play cards.
149
00:08:28,340 --> 00:08:30,140
She'd put out the food.
150
00:08:30,141 --> 00:08:32,009
I'd serve it.
151
00:08:32,010 --> 00:08:33,511
But I didn't mind.
152
00:08:33,512 --> 00:08:36,514
I just loved listening
to them talk about...
153
00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:38,583
How I'd never grow breasts...
154
00:08:41,420 --> 00:08:44,255
...How I'd never get a guy...
155
00:08:44,256 --> 00:08:47,625
How my pelvis didn't stand
a chance during childbirth.
156
00:08:49,161 --> 00:08:51,562
Then they'd all laugh.
157
00:08:51,563 --> 00:08:53,263
After the rum cake kicked in,
158
00:08:53,264 --> 00:08:57,434
Mom would pretend
to lose me to mrs. Hampe,
159
00:08:57,435 --> 00:09:00,705
The woman that could
never stop sweating.
160
00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:03,307
Yes, well, it was
traumatic then,
161
00:09:03,308 --> 00:09:05,076
But looking back
on it now,
162
00:09:05,077 --> 00:09:06,811
I realize...
163
00:09:06,812 --> 00:09:08,813
God, I hate
my mother.
164
00:09:11,216 --> 00:09:13,817
[doorbell rings]
165
00:09:13,818 --> 00:09:17,288
Uh...That's probably
louise and fern.
166
00:09:17,289 --> 00:09:18,856
Just breathe into a bag
for a minute.
167
00:09:18,857 --> 00:09:20,024
I'll get the door.
168
00:09:22,327 --> 00:09:24,128
Oh.
169
00:09:24,129 --> 00:09:25,463
Hi!
170
00:09:25,464 --> 00:09:27,865
Girl, did you see that
new checker at the mini-mart?
171
00:09:27,866 --> 00:09:29,133
Woo!
172
00:09:29,134 --> 00:09:31,569
He can work his way
through this college.
173
00:09:33,138 --> 00:09:34,705
Pick a place
and park it.
174
00:09:34,706 --> 00:09:37,107
The night is young,
the men are gone,
175
00:09:37,108 --> 00:09:40,711
The game is poker,
and the only thing wild is me.
176
00:09:41,981 --> 00:09:43,881
Kelly, you wanna join us?
177
00:09:43,882 --> 00:09:45,917
Sure, why not?
178
00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:48,485
Look what my life has become.
179
00:09:48,486 --> 00:09:50,855
Playing cards
with a bunch of sea hags.
180
00:09:53,358 --> 00:09:55,225
You've all lost weight.
181
00:09:55,226 --> 00:09:55,993
Oh!
Oh!
182
00:09:55,994 --> 00:09:57,295
So glad
you noticed.
183
00:09:57,296 --> 00:09:58,996
Have you ever
played before?
184
00:09:58,997 --> 00:10:00,431
Just with
the guys.
185
00:10:00,432 --> 00:10:01,466
Well, ante up.
186
00:10:11,776 --> 00:10:14,945
I-I see you play
how we youngsters play...
187
00:10:14,946 --> 00:10:17,281
With our clothes on.
188
00:10:17,282 --> 00:10:20,317
Actually, honey,
we play for money.
189
00:10:20,318 --> 00:10:21,252
Well, then,
count me out.
190
00:10:21,253 --> 00:10:23,521
I have to save
my money for--
191
00:10:23,522 --> 00:10:26,324
[money rustling]
192
00:10:26,325 --> 00:10:28,492
Well, maybe
just one hand.
193
00:10:29,895 --> 00:10:31,428
Okay, great.
194
00:10:31,429 --> 00:10:32,963
Now, who's got change
for a dollar?
195
00:10:32,964 --> 00:10:35,132
I wanna cash
al's paycheck.
196
00:10:39,671 --> 00:10:40,805
Fire's lit.
197
00:10:42,207 --> 00:10:44,575
Tell us
a scary story, dan'l.
198
00:10:44,576 --> 00:10:45,876
Okey-dokey.
199
00:10:45,877 --> 00:10:46,944
[chuckles]
200
00:10:46,945 --> 00:10:49,780
Kids, gather round
the flashlight.
201
00:10:52,383 --> 00:10:53,717
Now...
202
00:10:54,953 --> 00:10:57,655
Once upon a time,
there was a young boy,
203
00:10:57,656 --> 00:11:00,524
A boy full of hope.
204
00:11:00,525 --> 00:11:02,760
He was single...
205
00:11:02,761 --> 00:11:05,196
Thus he was happy.
206
00:11:05,197 --> 00:11:08,733
Then one night,
much like tonight,
207
00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:12,536
Something rose
from the swamp.
208
00:11:12,537 --> 00:11:14,638
He heard a noise behind him.
209
00:11:14,639 --> 00:11:17,041
Thump, thump.
Thump, thump.
210
00:11:17,042 --> 00:11:18,176
He walked a little faster.
211
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:20,578
Thump, thump.
Thump, thump.
212
00:11:20,579 --> 00:11:21,979
Then he saw it.
213
00:11:21,980 --> 00:11:25,516
And there,
in the light of a bar,
214
00:11:25,517 --> 00:11:27,384
Stood the evil...
215
00:11:27,385 --> 00:11:30,088
Redheaded...
216
00:11:30,089 --> 00:11:33,091
High-heeled spandex monster.
217
00:11:38,731 --> 00:11:41,265
He ran from it.
218
00:11:41,266 --> 00:11:42,934
He stood it up,
he dated others,
219
00:11:42,935 --> 00:11:46,904
But nothing could stop it!
220
00:11:46,905 --> 00:11:49,774
He could hear its wild call...
221
00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:52,777
[effeminately]
"oh, honey?
222
00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:54,612
Honey."
223
00:11:54,613 --> 00:11:56,748
It was horrible.
224
00:11:56,749 --> 00:11:59,150
Finally...It trapped him.
225
00:11:59,151 --> 00:12:01,385
Opened--
opened its hideous mouth,
226
00:12:01,386 --> 00:12:03,821
Bared its fangs, and said...
227
00:12:03,822 --> 00:12:06,724
[effeminately]
"marry me?"
228
00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:10,294
And did
he marry it, dan'l?
229
00:12:10,295 --> 00:12:12,897
Yes, I'm afraid he did.
230
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:16,667
And he was never
heard from again.
231
00:12:16,668 --> 00:12:19,303
But the worst of it is...
232
00:12:19,304 --> 00:12:22,907
There's still
some of them out there.
233
00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:24,709
There might be one
behind that tree!
234
00:12:24,710 --> 00:12:25,609
[campers scream]
235
00:12:27,646 --> 00:12:31,482
Then again,
there might not be.
236
00:12:31,483 --> 00:12:33,684
But beware.
237
00:12:33,685 --> 00:12:36,120
Wherever a man is free...
238
00:12:36,121 --> 00:12:39,890
And has change in his pockets,
239
00:12:39,891 --> 00:12:44,128
They'll come a-creepin',
and they can't be stopped.
240
00:12:44,829 --> 00:12:46,530
Now sleep...
241
00:12:46,531 --> 00:12:48,065
If you can.
242
00:12:48,066 --> 00:12:50,267
[laughs evilly]
243
00:12:52,303 --> 00:12:53,537
Wow.
244
00:12:53,538 --> 00:12:54,938
Some story,
huh, kids?
245
00:12:54,939 --> 00:12:56,307
Yeah.
246
00:12:56,308 --> 00:12:59,343
Now, join me
in a little song we learned
247
00:12:59,344 --> 00:13:03,447
When I was a lad
at camp skoharry.
248
00:13:03,448 --> 00:13:08,285
♪ alas, my love
you do me wrong ♪
249
00:13:08,286 --> 00:13:14,325
♪ to cast me out
discourteously ♪
250
00:13:14,326 --> 00:13:20,397
♪ for I have
loved you so long ♪
251
00:13:20,398 --> 00:13:24,435
So this is
how it ends, eh, dad?
252
00:13:24,436 --> 00:13:26,203
♪ greensleeves ♪
253
00:13:26,204 --> 00:13:27,771
Steve,
could you shut up?
254
00:13:29,341 --> 00:13:31,375
Al, I'm trying
to get these kids' minds
255
00:13:31,376 --> 00:13:34,712
Off the fact
that they are going to die.
256
00:13:34,713 --> 00:13:35,746
♪ greensleeves ♪
257
00:13:35,747 --> 00:13:37,447
It's gonna be okay.
258
00:13:37,448 --> 00:13:39,616
See, your mother hasn't
heard from us for a while.
259
00:13:39,617 --> 00:13:41,585
So, she thinks
we're havin' a good time.
260
00:13:41,586 --> 00:13:44,354
Ergo, she has to stop it.
261
00:13:44,355 --> 00:13:47,191
So she's probably on the phone
to the state troopers by now.
262
00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:53,330
Peggy, did you know
your phone is off the hook?
263
00:13:53,331 --> 00:13:55,298
What if our husbands
wanna call us?
264
00:13:55,299 --> 00:13:57,034
That's why
it's off the hook.
265
00:13:59,404 --> 00:14:01,639
Gimme a chance.
I'll guess the name of the leaf.
266
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:03,006
[sniffs]
267
00:14:03,007 --> 00:14:04,708
Ah, smells familiar.
268
00:14:06,411 --> 00:14:08,979
Hmm, jagged edges.
269
00:14:08,980 --> 00:14:11,315
Ah! I'm sure I know this.
270
00:14:11,316 --> 00:14:13,417
Maybe tasting it
would help.
271
00:14:16,788 --> 00:14:18,789
Nope, I'm stumped.
What is it?
272
00:14:18,790 --> 00:14:20,624
Poison oak! Poison oak!
273
00:14:20,625 --> 00:14:22,959
[campers laugh]
274
00:14:25,062 --> 00:14:26,930
[chuckles]
275
00:14:26,931 --> 00:14:30,334
Ah, that was
a good one, guys.
276
00:14:30,335 --> 00:14:32,670
Well, when uncle steve
gets done
277
00:14:32,671 --> 00:14:35,506
Bathing his body
and tongue in the stream,
278
00:14:35,507 --> 00:14:37,341
He'll hurry back
and teach you all
279
00:14:37,342 --> 00:14:39,510
How to play tree-diving.
280
00:14:41,946 --> 00:14:45,549
Bundy,
you stink.
281
00:14:45,550 --> 00:14:47,451
We're
starving.
282
00:14:47,452 --> 00:14:49,086
Dad, I had
a date tonight
283
00:14:49,087 --> 00:14:51,155
With a girl
they call ever ready.
284
00:14:52,858 --> 00:14:54,791
Now, why haven't the women
come to save us?
285
00:14:54,792 --> 00:14:56,727
I don't know.
Maybe they can't find us.
286
00:14:56,728 --> 00:14:59,663
Maybe there's
a white sale someplace.
287
00:14:59,664 --> 00:15:02,433
All right, look, kids, you're
old enough to know the truth.
288
00:15:02,434 --> 00:15:04,301
They left us here to rot.
289
00:15:04,302 --> 00:15:05,936
But don't worry...
290
00:15:05,937 --> 00:15:07,671
We've got a secret weapon.
291
00:15:07,672 --> 00:15:10,707
Steve:
Owl in my hair!
Owl in my hair!
292
00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:13,911
It's not him, is it?
293
00:15:13,912 --> 00:15:15,880
No! No, it's buck.
294
00:15:15,881 --> 00:15:17,815
See, we'll send buck home
with a note
295
00:15:17,816 --> 00:15:19,182
Telling the women
where we are,
296
00:15:19,183 --> 00:15:20,317
And we'll be saved.
297
00:15:21,252 --> 00:15:22,486
Do you think
buck can do it?
298
00:15:22,487 --> 00:15:23,854
I know he can.
299
00:15:23,855 --> 00:15:26,056
'cause I've dropped him off
in every part of town,
300
00:15:26,057 --> 00:15:28,125
He always
finds his way home.
301
00:15:28,126 --> 00:15:29,460
Hey, buck,
take this note.
302
00:15:29,461 --> 00:15:30,628
Go find mommy.
303
00:15:30,629 --> 00:15:31,461
Run, boy!
304
00:15:31,462 --> 00:15:32,596
Run like
the wind!
305
00:15:32,597 --> 00:15:35,466
Campers:
Go, go, go, go!
306
00:15:36,568 --> 00:15:38,335
I think if we keep
our wits about us,
307
00:15:38,336 --> 00:15:39,837
We'll all come out
of this okay.
308
00:15:42,140 --> 00:15:43,207
Bees!
309
00:15:47,645 --> 00:15:48,812
Full house.
310
00:15:48,813 --> 00:15:50,381
Read 'em and weep.
311
00:15:51,449 --> 00:15:53,884
All I've got
is four ones.
312
00:15:56,988 --> 00:15:59,824
Those are aces,
honey.
313
00:15:59,825 --> 00:16:02,259
You mean
I win again?
314
00:16:02,260 --> 00:16:04,561
I guess I'll never
get this game right.
315
00:16:06,898 --> 00:16:08,298
Four ones.
316
00:16:08,299 --> 00:16:10,100
Four ones?
317
00:16:10,101 --> 00:16:12,002
That's the seventh hand
in a row
318
00:16:12,003 --> 00:16:14,137
She's gotten four ones.
319
00:16:14,940 --> 00:16:17,408
Are you calling
my daughter a cheat?
320
00:16:17,409 --> 00:16:19,543
Well, where I come from,
if it walks like a cheat,
321
00:16:19,544 --> 00:16:20,811
Quacks like a cheat,
322
00:16:20,812 --> 00:16:23,914
We string it up
like a cheat.
323
00:16:23,915 --> 00:16:25,583
Marcie,
think about it.
324
00:16:25,584 --> 00:16:27,251
If my daughter
were a cheat,
325
00:16:27,252 --> 00:16:30,554
She wouldn't be
failing high school.
326
00:16:30,555 --> 00:16:32,722
Thanks, mom.
327
00:16:32,723 --> 00:16:35,492
All right, ladies.
This time, kings are wild.
328
00:16:35,493 --> 00:16:37,895
Just deal, girlie.
329
00:16:43,468 --> 00:16:45,736
Do you think
the guys are okay?
330
00:16:45,737 --> 00:16:47,237
Oh, I'm sure
they're fine.
331
00:16:47,238 --> 00:16:48,505
They're with
my steve.
332
00:16:48,506 --> 00:16:51,175
He was practically
born in the woods.
333
00:16:55,146 --> 00:16:58,682
Put thome more mud
on my tongue, pleathe.
334
00:16:58,683 --> 00:17:01,418
The poithon oak
ith really kicking in.
335
00:17:06,824 --> 00:17:08,492
Vewy thoothing.
336
00:17:10,061 --> 00:17:11,528
Okay,
kids.
337
00:17:11,529 --> 00:17:14,865
If we get out of this alive,
what are we going to do?
338
00:17:14,866 --> 00:17:15,999
Victor?
339
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:19,336
Never marry.
340
00:17:19,337 --> 00:17:20,471
That's right.
341
00:17:20,472 --> 00:17:22,873
So remember, kids,
when you meet a woman,
342
00:17:22,874 --> 00:17:24,942
No matter how nice she is
or what she looks like,
343
00:17:24,943 --> 00:17:26,309
Remember...
344
00:17:26,310 --> 00:17:29,646
Women get worse.
345
00:17:29,647 --> 00:17:31,582
They get...
346
00:17:31,583 --> 00:17:33,083
Older.
347
00:17:33,084 --> 00:17:34,751
Meaner.
348
00:17:34,752 --> 00:17:37,454
Fatter?
349
00:17:37,455 --> 00:17:40,290
Leth compathonate.
350
00:17:40,291 --> 00:17:42,192
Al:
Very good.
351
00:17:44,095 --> 00:17:46,397
Bud,
how's steve doing?
352
00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:49,867
He's doin' great,
dad.
353
00:17:52,637 --> 00:17:53,637
Who are
we kidding?
354
00:17:53,638 --> 00:17:55,071
He's a goner.
355
00:17:55,072 --> 00:17:56,473
I say we put
rocks in his pockets
356
00:17:56,474 --> 00:17:57,808
And roll him
into the river.
357
00:18:00,244 --> 00:18:04,047
Hey, that's good buzzard bait
you're throwin' away there.
358
00:18:04,048 --> 00:18:06,149
Ah, what am I sayin'?
359
00:18:06,150 --> 00:18:09,787
Buck the wonder dog
will save the day.
360
00:18:09,788 --> 00:18:12,689
[♪]
361
00:18:19,297 --> 00:18:21,398
[groans]
362
00:18:23,935 --> 00:18:26,237
What's wrong
with mr. Rhoades?
363
00:18:26,238 --> 00:18:28,605
He's dying, victor.
364
00:18:30,909 --> 00:18:37,180
Thus dies
the house of agamemnon.
365
00:18:37,181 --> 00:18:39,717
[pirate accent]
tie him to the yardarm,
mr. Christian!
366
00:18:39,718 --> 00:18:41,385
[laughs evilly]
367
00:18:41,386 --> 00:18:44,454
[english accent]
oh, look, father,
I sat in something icky.
368
00:18:49,927 --> 00:18:52,529
Should I get
a club, dad?
369
00:18:52,530 --> 00:18:55,466
Nah, at least watchin' him
gives us somethin' to do.
370
00:18:56,734 --> 00:18:57,901
[steve gagging]
371
00:18:57,902 --> 00:19:00,170
Oh, cool,
he's foaming again.
372
00:19:02,007 --> 00:19:06,010
Enjoy it while you can,
'cause help is on the way.
373
00:19:06,011 --> 00:19:08,245
Come on, buck.
374
00:19:08,246 --> 00:19:10,014
All [chanting]:
Come on, buck!
375
00:19:10,015 --> 00:19:10,881
Tha ba, ga.
376
00:19:10,882 --> 00:19:12,183
All:
Come on, buck!
377
00:19:12,184 --> 00:19:13,384
Ah guh, buh.
378
00:19:13,385 --> 00:19:14,818
All:
Come on, buck!
379
00:19:14,819 --> 00:19:17,287
[♪]
380
00:19:32,403 --> 00:19:35,472
Yes, I'm going to
the oozing meat concert,
381
00:19:35,473 --> 00:19:38,908
And I would like
a stretch limo.
382
00:19:38,909 --> 00:19:41,812
Oh, and have some lobster
back there for me.
383
00:19:41,813 --> 00:19:45,248
Gettin' backstage
is hungry work, you know.
384
00:19:45,249 --> 00:19:47,050
That was fun,
wasn't it?
385
00:19:47,051 --> 00:19:48,618
Yeah, great.
Filthy little cheat!
386
00:19:50,188 --> 00:19:52,156
I lost
my grocery money.
387
00:19:52,157 --> 00:19:53,390
Me too.
388
00:19:53,391 --> 00:19:55,426
My husband's
gonna go nuts.
389
00:19:55,427 --> 00:19:56,660
Oh, don't worry.
390
00:19:56,661 --> 00:19:58,595
Just tell him
you've got pms,
391
00:19:58,596 --> 00:20:00,697
And you'll kill him.
392
00:20:04,135 --> 00:20:06,537
Honey...
393
00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:08,905
I didn't wanna say anything
while the girls were here,
394
00:20:08,906 --> 00:20:10,407
But I saw you cheating.
395
00:20:10,408 --> 00:20:12,642
Now, you know
what you have to do.
396
00:20:13,411 --> 00:20:14,944
Yes, mommy.
397
00:20:14,945 --> 00:20:15,979
[sighs]
398
00:20:15,980 --> 00:20:18,582
The usual 50 percent?
399
00:20:19,350 --> 00:20:20,884
Let's make it 60,
400
00:20:20,885 --> 00:20:23,220
Just to teach you
a lesson.
401
00:20:24,689 --> 00:20:27,123
[dog howls]
402
00:20:27,124 --> 00:20:29,593
Kelly, can't your dates
just honk the horn
403
00:20:29,594 --> 00:20:31,361
Like they did in my day?
404
00:20:35,199 --> 00:20:38,201
Oh, it's buck.
405
00:20:38,202 --> 00:20:39,502
I thought he went
with the guys.
406
00:20:39,503 --> 00:20:41,271
Well, I guess not.
407
00:20:41,272 --> 00:20:43,339
Oh, look, he's got
something in his mouth.
408
00:20:43,942 --> 00:20:46,376
[growls]
oh!
409
00:20:46,377 --> 00:20:47,644
Well...
410
00:20:47,645 --> 00:20:49,846
Guess he'll give it to us
when he's ready.
411
00:20:49,847 --> 00:20:50,914
Yeah.
412
00:20:57,255 --> 00:20:59,089
[moaning]
413
00:21:03,227 --> 00:21:06,096
Can't we
shut him up?
414
00:21:06,097 --> 00:21:07,263
We need him, bud.
415
00:21:07,264 --> 00:21:09,365
He's keepin'
the animals away.
416
00:21:11,569 --> 00:21:13,269
Don't worry
about it.
417
00:21:13,270 --> 00:21:15,105
Buck's gonna
save us.
418
00:21:15,106 --> 00:21:16,940
Believe me.
419
00:21:16,941 --> 00:21:19,476
I ought
to know, I...
420
00:21:19,477 --> 00:21:21,544
[weakly]
I trained him.
421
00:21:27,485 --> 00:21:30,721
[moaning]
422
00:21:49,707 --> 00:21:51,575
[♪]